Sleepless Hearts & Forked Roads

It's 11pm and my head has uncontrollable thoughts racing through it at high speeds. Sleep is out of the question. In my youth I wouldn't count sheep but I would count. I would count until I fell asleep. In my adulthood I might play a movie on my phone but sometimes that backfires and I would see the movie to the end. Tonight I write. If I cannot cease my thoughts I might as well let them out the best way I know how. 

I write tonight with a very heavy heart. I thought I could feel God asking me to follow Him in a certain way but that way now has a fork in the road. One in which I could not foresee nor did I have any idea which route to take. What do I do when the forks both seem unbearable? How can I choose that path? How can I choose the other path? How do you know when God is leading and when you are making it up as you go? I am at a loss. But today I felt like I finally might have made some slight progress. I believe I can finally let go and give God the reins. I never knew how that looked until I got a horse. Do I truly have FAITH that God will take care of me? Sometimes I would wonder if He remembered me. He does. He thinks of me more than I think of Him. I feel a little bit stronger. A little bit more secure. I feel The Lord's presence. I feel his arms carrying me so I don't have to choose which fork to take. He has it under control. 

Words

It seen far too long since I've expressed myself through words. Words are so powerful. Words can create joy. Words can cause pain. Words can cause happiness; words can cause strife. Words can heal; words can break. Words can empower; words can deflate. I often ask God to take my ability to speak away so I won't sin with my tongue. I look at my dog, Kona. She has never spoken a word to me. I love her with every bit of love I possess. She has done absolutely nothing to "deserve" my love. She has don't nothing to lose my love. She doesn't lift me up with words. She doesn't tear me down with words. She simply acts. She obeys (the majority of time). She disobeys (at times). No matter what she does, I still love her. All without words. 

People can be so hurtful with their words. I can be having the greatest day of all and if I hear the depressing words from someone (especially someone I love), then it sends me down into a slippery slope of pain. Why do we let words impact us so much? Why do we card so much about what other people think? 

I don't know why you do, but for me, it feels like my nature to desire others to like and love me. And when I learn that they don't, it affects me. But when I hear some hurtful words, it affects me even more. 

I want to find my identity in Christ and believe the truth about the words He had spoken about me. Here are just a few verses about my true identity:

I am a child of God. 

But to all who have received him--those who believe in his name--he has given the right to become children of God. John 1:12

I have been chosen by Him!

For he chose us in Christ before the foundation of the world that we may be holy and unblemished in his sight in love Ephesians 1:4.

I was created on purpose, in Christ, to do great things in His name.

For we are his workmanship, having been created in Christ Jesus for good works that God prepared beforehand so we may do them. Ephesians 2:10

These verses help me keep a sober mind about the truth that God says about me. It doesn't truly matter if someone else tells me they don't love me. Yes it hurts-

worse than I could have imagined. But it isn't going to affect my eternal home. My place is with Christ. My identity is in Christ and Christ is in me. Bottom line. 

Thank you, God for helping me learn these truths!!