It's 11pm and my head has uncontrollable thoughts racing through it at high speeds. Sleep is out of the question. In my youth I wouldn't count sheep but I would count. I would count until I fell asleep. In my adulthood I might play a movie on my phone but sometimes that backfires and I would see the movie to the end. Tonight I write. If I cannot cease my thoughts I might as well let them out the best way I know how.
I write tonight with a very heavy heart. I thought I could feel God asking me to follow Him in a certain way but that way now has a fork in the road. One in which I could not foresee nor did I have any idea which route to take. What do I do when the forks both seem unbearable? How can I choose that path? How can I choose the other path? How do you know when God is leading and when you are making it up as you go? I am at a loss. But today I felt like I finally might have made some slight progress. I believe I can finally let go and give God the reins. I never knew how that looked until I got a horse. Do I truly have FAITH that God will take care of me? Sometimes I would wonder if He remembered me. He does. He thinks of me more than I think of Him. I feel a little bit stronger. A little bit more secure. I feel The Lord's presence. I feel his arms carrying me so I don't have to choose which fork to take. He has it under control.
Since I am much older than you, but not wiser than anyone, I can say life if full of many, many forks. There will be times when you have no idea which way to go. All we can do is make our choices with good intentions and faith. In hindsight, many may seem to have been the wrong path but all roads lead to lessons. Sometimes, decisions are made for us and we need to find peace and understanding and a new direction. You are not alone in feeling this way.
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