Leaving Africa

Disclaimer: I journaled on my ipad most nights so these posts are not chronological. I apologize for the confusion!

24 hours remaining in this country- on this on continent. I am confused as to how I should feel. 

I do stress out having to go home to all of the stress that I have awaiting me due to being gone for so many days. The office was not tidy when I left it so I have things like that awaiting me. But I don't want to simply get back into the hustle and bustle off things as if I never even went on this journey. How do I live with so much  but also understand that I was born into it and nothing in life is fair. I try to think about how the people of Uganda seem to deal with the situation they have been born into. Most of them do not know any different. Many of the middle class haven't even left the country in their whole lives. Do they believe they are in poverty? In america we focus so much on how much money, investments, power, position, and possessions we have. That is basically how we define ourselves and others. In June I deactivated my facebook account because i fell into the trap of comparing myself with others so God challenged me to get rid of it. It was so freeing!!!! I am still not on it and I'm telling you- my quality of life has been so wonderful because of it. I challenge you to fast from facebook...or better yet, deactivate it! I challenge you.

This trip has made me ask myself so many questions about my character. How do I define people? Do I love them for who they are? What they do? How much they have? How good they smell? (That may sound funny but I have experienced a lot of new smells in the last few weeks.) 

I can securely say one thing that I have found extremely true in America and sadly true of myself. "Americans like to be comfortable." We like to be comfortable to a fault. We eat when we have hunger pains or if we are hungry. We plug in a fan or turn down the A/C when we are hot. We wrap in a blanket when we are cold. We avoid people we don't prefer to spend time with. We charge our cell phones every night to avoid draining the battery the next day (we all know how annoying that can be.) We fill up our gas tank when it gets low to avoid running out of gas and heaven forbid having to walk further than a few blocks. We find a toilet to relieve ourselves when we need to go and if the public toilet doesn't look clean enough, we use a different one or hold it. We use bug spray to avoid getting bit by bugs. We go shopping when we feel our closet isn't full enough or lacks an outfit or two. We clean our house when company comes over so they don't think less of us. We use ATMs to avoid running out of cash. We go through the Drive Thru at McDonalds to save standing in line for an extra 90 seconds or because it is raining. We use umbrellas to not get wet. We shop at walmart because we want the convenience of only having to stop at one store or we think it is cheaper (and lets be honest, shopping the sales at our local grocers is usually less expensive than going to walmart. How many things do we get that weren't on our initial list...extra spending that adds up ;) We refrigerate everything (my home alone has 2 fridges and 2 deep freezers.) We put ice in our drinks. We heat up our food to make it taste better. We add salt; we add pepper. We want our food to be pleasing to our tastebuds even though the main point of food is to fuel up our bodies (energy). WE LOVE COMFORT!! I have loved comfort all my life! The food thing, since having gone gluten-free, however, has not been much of a struggle...we GF people learn to eat what we can, when we can whether it tastes good or not. But I am guilty of comfort being an idol. I am guilty of all of those statements. i am more guilty than the next person- especially about having a fan nearby.

WE LOVE TO BE COMFORTABLE!! Heaven forbid we spend an entire day 10 degrees above or below our comfortable temperature level. 

Before going on this journey, I could feel the Lord working on my heart. It began around February of this year. He challenged me to do many things- give up facebook, give up pop, look at my husband in a different light, support my husband in the selling of our house, allow God to provide for us a shelter, trust Him on the topic of having children (and whose womb they come from.) Allow Him to show me different people in a different light. Start new relationships with people I would not have typically found myself in a relationship with. (You can pick up your jaw now- yes believe it or not, I do have times where I am nervous to speak to people.) He challenged me to read my Bible DAILY. Spend less time on activities I used to idolize. Spend more time in silence. Drive along the road in silence allowing God to speak to me. Spend more time with my brother and have more respect for him (that challenge has been such a blessing!!) Honor my parents. Educate myself on our country, the world, and economics (this one is only possible with the help of my awesome husband.) Wear less makeup- all summer I wore makeup about 2-3 days a week or less. Wear my hair the way God grew it. (I have very naturally wavy/curly hair.) Simply wearing less makeup and spending less time doing my hair, and being in front of a mirror, has changed my attitude so much on what I look like, how much it matters, and how to look at other people differently. I think I could write a whole book about that topic.

Before now, I was already aware that God was working hard to change me. A LOT of life-altering things and events  have occurred over the last 9 months of my life (not all of the things happened to me but to people in my life). I feel like this trip to Uganda was a grand finale, tying everything together. I have learned to take seriously the opportunities that show up. Meet with people and mentors for coffee. Pray with someone on the spot. Ask people questions. Get to know them and ask them what their story is. Give things away.  Make new friends.

I have made a new friend named Shamila. she is my new African sister. I asked her what her dreams are...her biggest dream is to go to america to work and serve the Lord. She wants to help the needy. She has an amazing testimony and was took in by ken and cathy. God bless them for taking her under their roof. She has inspired me more than I could ever have imagined possible by one person. I asked her what her hobbies are and she said, when I have free time I worship my Lord. I read my Bible and sing praises to Him. Jesus is her hobby.

I am quite envious of Ugandans for many reasons. The people in this country aren't so worried about their investments or what the stock market is doing. They aren't worried about having life insurance or how Obamacare is going to ruin their health insurance. They seem to understand better that we are all on this earth for such a little time. We will go to heaven or hell after this. Earth is our temporary home. They spend a LOT more time preparing for their future inheritance from God.

On the contrary though, many of them do worry about where their next meal is going to come from or how much water they can carry back to their house. Some of them do wonder how they will take care of their children. Many of the believers i met, however, do try their hardest to simply serve The Lord. They love Jesus so much that He is their hobby.

Is Jesus your hobby? Is worshiping your hobby? When is the last time you spent a whole hour with Him and nobody or nothing else? I dont know when i did either. I am going to make Jesus my hobby.

So many great things came out of this trip, but I believe the thing that impacted me in the strongest way was Shamila telling me that her hobby was worshiping the Lord and serving Him. I desire that.Myy heart longs for Shamila's faith and love for her Lord, Jesus Christ. 

I feel a great love for Shamila and I am going to try to play a part in bringing her to America to fulfill her dream. I don't know what she will have to do to get here, but i am going to begin praying for her to come if God will permit it.

the culture here is so different but once you start to learn it, things make a lot more sense. america makes more sense. i understand better why people behave the way they do or why they work as hard as they do. Even the English language makes more sense here.

So how do I continue on in my life now knowing what I know now? What can I do to live on the bare essentials? How can I serve my husband better? How can I serve The Lord better? How do I  properly process everything that has happened on this journey? Does anyone have any ideas? These are not rhetorical questions. I think there needs to be a support group for this! I want to begin reading the Jen Hatmaker "7" book study. I think it will be appropriate and helpful.

 With all of this said, I know one thing for sure that came out of this trip. God can show me things in a different light than before. He can tell me things that will make more sense. Asking me to give up my large home to possibly live in a camper definitely doesn't seem so difficult now. Asking me to spend less time on my appearance and more time in His word seems more exciting now. And asking me to blindly trust in my husband and in God seems much more exciting now knowing that when I submit myself completely to Him, more glory to God could come than I could ever imagine- miracles can happen; God's will can finally be done. He has been tugging at me to change my heart and change my ways. To change my thinking and to be a better ambassador for Him.

What is God asking you to do? What is He asking you to give up? Try it, just giving up one luxury for the next month. What can you live without, that you never thought possible? Instead of doing that thing, spend that time with God. He will begin show you things you never saw before.  

The time has come to leave Africa for now. I truly believe I will be back. But until then, God has a lot more work to do on my heart and attitude. Thank you, people of Uganda, for being a part of this revival in my heart and in my life!,